It's my wedding after all!

…I have to have the last word!

Archive for July, 2009

Solar Eclipse

The Solar eclipse affects people world wide differently. I woke up in the morning, having completely ignored the fact that an absolutely breath taking phenomena had occurred for the first time in this century, just minutes ago. I woke up knowing, that no matter how hard the day turns out to be or how long, that no matter if I wile away my minutes doing nothing at all, it would all culminate in me downing vodka.

The solar eclipse naturally hexed the day. Nobody, I mean absolutely no f****** body, was free to drink with me that evening. I was desperate enough to ask my boss, who I hated with all my guts. She just looked right through me and pretended I hadn’t asked. That ust added to my urge to drink.

Finally (oh sweet heavens!) Rohit agreed. Who is Rohit? Who cares? He is a colleague kind enough to accompany for drinks. That itself pushed him towards my list of favourites. So we found ourselves around eight sitting on the bar stools of TGIFs drinking what can be called our preference of poison and enjoying every bit of it. I was beginning to unwind and enjoy myself. Besides, he too was engaged for about a week now. That made him safe.

“Can you believe it?” He said munching unelegantly on a potato wedge, “In a matter of months all this will be over!”

“What will be over?”

“This!” he said spreading his ketchup spread hands on both his sides.  I was about to ask “Ketchup?” when he said, “All this partying. Spur of the moment outings. Everything!”

He lapsed into a silence and I groaned inwardly. I hated one of the marriage-screws-freedom talks. What a waste of drinks this evening was going to be. I remained silent. Maybe, if I ignored him he would get the message.

“My bathroom will be filled with pink fluffy towels!,” he said his eyes widening with horror. “Pink!” He gulped the remainder of his drink and signaled the bartender to fill it up again. Ok, so this guy was going into it real bad.

“Yuck! I might find her hair on my razor!” He said crunching yet another wedge.

“Yuck!”  I said disgusted with the thought and wondered what kind of a woman he was engaged too.

“See?” he said grasping at my acknowledgment. “And then not to mention the ‘feet-off-the-carpet’ syndrome.”

“Look,” I said, “Its not feet, its shoes!”

“Is there a difference?” He asked. And there I was flabbegasted. My fiance had better find a difference, I hate dirty shoes all over the carpet!

“I will even have to put my shoes in a rack!?” He whined.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Guys dont like to remove their shoes! They carry their shoes with them to bed and then remove them there and get ready in fifteen minutes straight, knowing exactly where to find the shoes!” He explained.

“And that would be beside the bed?”

“Yeah!”

“How unhygienic!” I remarked.

“Bloody well didnt fall ill for the past decade despite doing that!” He argued. “Besides bare feet on a cold floor makes you catch a cold! THAT is how you fall ill.  Not because you leave shoes beside the bed.”

“Wear slippers!” I suggested.

“You waste such precious minutes of your time changing from one footwear to another! Whats the fun in that?” He said quite ready to blow up. “Its about as much fun as being forced to keep things in ‘their right place’! How can things have a right place? Who decides which is the right place?”

“Its about not walking into and living out of a shit hole!” I threw back at him.

“Shit hole? How does a towel on the table or a book in the loo, make a place a shit hole! If I like to read while I poop, I will bloody well leave the damned book there and THAT then is the RIGHT place for that book!” He said animated.

“Arrrgh! Disgusting! What next? Use the pages as toilet paper?” I asked gulping my own vodka.

“In case of emergency, why not?” He said purely to annoy me.

“How could you?” I asked completely repulsed.

“What?! you would rather have me walk out just like that? That’s hygienic?”

I opened my mouth to say something, but then thought the better of it. I squinted my eyes at his back and poked my tongue at him.

“I saw that,” he said, pointing to the mirror behind the bartender.

“Like I care.”

“Just married huh?” The bartender, who had evidently eavesdropped on our conversation, smiled understandingly.

Horrified! I  walked out. On my way to the parking lot, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my fiance’s number.

“Honey,” I asked, ” Would you hate me for asking you to leave your shoes in the shoe rack and walk around home in slippers?”

“What a weird question! When have I ever objected to that? Thats cool with me.”

First sigh

“And you wont read books in the loo?”

“Newspaper will do?”

“What?” I asked panicking again

“Hahahaha, kidding babes, Ok I wont.”

“And its ok with you  to put things in their right place?”

“Where are all these questions coming from,” He finally asked.

“Call it the solar-eclipse effect!”

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