It's my wedding after all!

…I have to have the last word!

Archive for mother-in-law

Mother and Mother-in-law

Where was I yesterday, you ask?

Dude, read the title again!!!!!

Need I say more?? Oh yes…

I hope neither my mom nor to be mother-in-law, EVER read this!!!

(probability is anyway zero to nil as neither of them are net Savvy, SO for the moment I am safe! phew!)

Now as to what happened yesterday. Mother-in-law calls me to tell me, she is in town (ever since I’ve declared I am getting married, people somehow jus manage to BE IN TOWN). Well and naturally since we have just initiated our process of bonding, mother-in-law wants to strengthen the foundation by spending a couple of heart-to-heart hours… at MY place!

So I actually risk my client’s wrath, my bosses wrath and absolutely everybody related to work’s wrath, cut short my working day and rush home. No, no, mother-in-law was coming only for dinner, but I had to make the house look  presentable!

So there I am in my washed out Levis and (sigh) Benetton aquamarine top, rushing round hiding booze bottles and dumping photographs far out of ‘a couple of hours’ reach. I did not want her picking through my past personal life for excuses to call off the wedding. I was not sure whether she was capable of such acts, but was being safe anyway.

And mom calls up and I tell her mom-in-law is coming and she asks me “Why?”

“Because…” I said juggling the washed glasses and struggling to arrange them in an appealing display, “She is in town!”

Mom launched into her expected speech of things I ought not to discuss with my mother-in-law. Right, as if I was about to discuss my monthly cycles and family planning concepts with her!

She was in the midst of telling me, how I MUST NOT give my EXPERT opinion on handy-tips in the kitchen, when I screamed, “OH SHIT!”

“Oh no!” my  mom exclaimed as if she knew the exact reason which had elicited this reaction from me.

“What happened?” I asked curious.

“Something bad, evidently and imagine that too just on the day you saasu ma has to arrive!”

SAASU MA!!!?? This was my first insightful glimpse into the future. I hadnt progressed beyond calling my mother-in-law “aunty-ji”. Would I now suddenly have to shift gears to maaji, mummyji or saasu ma?

“Sorry? What was that again?” I asked mom in a semi-dazed state of mind.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, referring to my exclamation of near doom.

“Oh Shit!” I exclaimed once again as I was called back to the now and present. “The lights just went out on me! So I am essentially stuck with reading order-in menus by the candle!”

“What?” mom exclaimed horrified! God bless moms. There is nothing like a sympathetic shoulder. “You wont cook for her yourself?”

“You out of your mind?” I exclaimed shocked at what was expected of me.

“I am sure she is coming to sample what her son is getting into!” Mom said amazed at how thick-headed I can be at times.

“What bull? What next? She’ll sleep with me to check if I am good enough in bed for her son?” I said forgetting for a moment that I was talking to my mother.

“You do NOT talk to me like that!” pause. “Oh my God! And you NEVER talk to your saasu ma like that? You hear me?”

“Loud and clear,” I mumbled.

Was I really expected to cook and be the ideal Bahu?? I’d rather be dead.

“And for heaven’s sake, ” mom was saying, “wear a saree!”

“What?” I asked horrified.

I cannot carry sarees. I am sure to trip on it, rip it, let it come apart and thoroughly embarrass myself. Besides, I was not going to dress up like a doll, just because!

I hurriedly hung up on mom. Mother-in-law was due in an hour and I did want to look presentable. I settled for a Slawar Khameez.

Mother-in-law walks in two hours later. She gave me an entire hour, to first build up my anger and then sweat it out. There were still no lights.

I tried coaxing her twice in between to dine out. It would be rather uncomfortable to dine in the heat. She refused politely both the times. When I tried for a third time, she said, “Is there something or someone at home you DONT want me to see?”

She laughed quite a humorless laugh after that. I resigned to a dinner without lights.

“Salwar Khameez?!” she smiled at me the minute she walked in. “Is that for my benefit?”

What was I supposed to say?

I smiled.

We sat for a bit just doing the necessary chit chat. I got up to fetch her some water.

Quite forgetting all about the dupatta, I stepped on it and almost choked myself. The phone slipped out of my hands and cluttered to the floor. Mom had chosen that minute to call me and the fall had put the phone on loudspeaker.

“Are you a virgin?” blared my mom’s voice in the candle-lit darkness at my mother-in-law.

“I was just asking,” mom continued as usual not waiting for my response, “That way your saasu ma wont have to sleep with you to find out if you are good enough for her son.. hahaha..”


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